I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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