id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
