just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
