I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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