I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
