The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
