I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
