Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
