Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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