im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
