i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
