The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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