They should really pass out barf bags in church
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
