Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
