dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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