I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
