I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
