im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
