i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
