So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
