My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
