your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Damn victory sex feels great
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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