please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
