i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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