she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
