Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
bring money and cleavage
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Randomize
