I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
