i just made my gag reflex go away.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
