Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
