Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
