what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
