I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
