I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
