She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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