I puked a lego.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
