what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize