I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
