I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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