i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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