he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
