I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
