he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
