having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
