I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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