so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
