This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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