i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
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Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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