I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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