i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
