i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
