we're chasing vodka with high fives
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
