listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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