I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
