Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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