After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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