A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I AM VODKA MAN
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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