don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
