and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I enjoy the company of your penis
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
