what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
