Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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