this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
